What Not To Say To Your Mother

   Have you ever wondered how to double your chances of living under your parent's roof until your 18? Have you ever asked yourself the question, "If I actually say that, will I be kicked out?" If one of your biggest fears being unceremoniously thrown out with the bath water, then you've come to the right blog post. Here are some things not to say if you enjoy free food:

   1: When that music came on the radio, I thought it was you banging on the piano. 
If your mom practices the piano random times of the day and she sometimes plays at church, this phrase should be avoided at all costs. Especially if it's on a Saturday night. Instead, try something like, "That sounded really good!" or my personal favorite, "If I sing loud enough tomorrow, no one will be able to tell you're skipping those sharps!"

   2: How's that laundry coming? 
Even an idiot could tell you this is a bad thing to say. Parents don't like to be asked how things are going if they are grudgingly doing that task for you. If this doesn't get you kicked to the curb, it will at least get you sorting your whites.

   3: Can I go to the movies today? *ten minutes later* Can I go to the movies today? *five minutes later* Hey Mom, can I go to the movies today? *fifteen minutes later* So, is it okay if I go to the movies today? 
"Hey Brenna, did you know you're annoying me today?" or "Hey Brenna, if you ask one more time you won't be going anywhere!" Don't annoy your mom. She doesn't appreciate it, trust me. Ask once every hour or so, and do it subtly. Or else all you town folk won't be going to your midnight showing of Twilight.

   4: Somebody is crabby today.
Freeze. Put yourself in your mom's shoes. If you're in an especially foul mood, you don't like it when people blatantly point it out, do you? Neither does she. In fact, it usually makes her more irritable, even angry! Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath." This could be flipped around to say, "Children, provoke not your Mother to wrath.... especially if she is chopping vegetables for dinner."

   5: Mom. Mooooooooom. MOOOOM. MOM! Mom.
This is what irritates my own mother most. She says we sound like bucket calves. Moooooom! Mothers hate it when you say their name over and over and over..... and over again. This common phrase is usually responded to with a loud, "WHAT?" If you absolutely have to use this phrase, please, please don't reply to her "what" with "We're out of toilet paper." At least make it worth her while.

I speak from experience. I have received the threat, "Do you want to move out before you graduate?" If you take my advice, you'll finish out the rest of your years at home in peace. Well, unless your mom is completely psychotic. No guarantees there.


In His Service,
Brenna